Stages

I love that God still speaks...I love that he speaks through His Word and His creation. And, recently, I was in awe of how others speak yet I hear His voice so clearly.

That was definitely the case this weekend when my husband and I went out to dinner with a couple that we have not connected with since college. They were within leadership of our campus group at MSU 25 years ago. We had wonderful conversation about family and work and life in general. We spoke of miraculous things we each had seen God do and then some how we ended up on the topic of marriage...specifically our marriage.

The gentleman began to describe his thoughts and concerns when he first heard we were getting married--something like, "Those two are so opposite...this is going to be interesting." Now looking back, I'm sure many people thought the same thing. Let's put it nicely - my husband can be described as a calm, gentle, easy-going type of guy while I, on the other hand, can be described as rather strong-willed and high maintenance type of gal. Yet, God brought the two of us together and the sparks began to fly!

Our friend continued to describe stages that he, in his forty some years of marriage and ministry, has watched couples transition through. Sometimes successfully and sometimes not so successfully. He described the first three stages which made complete sense - it seemed like we had just gotten through them. First, we come together because we are ATTRACTED to each others' differences. Then we marry and becomes ANNOYED by the very things that attracted us! This leads us to the third stage - ANGER. We become angry because we cannot seem to change them. This third stage is the point at which marriages seem to thrive or die. You have a critical choice to make at this point --were you in this for the long haul or not? It is usually at this point that one or both of the spouses, if they can't get past the anger, find someone they are attracted to and start the three stages all over again.

If you make it past the ANGER stage you begin to ACQUIESCE (big word for you basically give up trying to change the other spouse). Then you begin to ACCEPT the spouse which allows you to move toward actually ADMIRING the spouse that used to drive you crazy. Finally you come to the end where you actually ADORE your mate and can't imagine how you could ever live without them.

When he got done going through the list, I had tears in my eyes. With each and every stage he described, my heart resonated. I knew these stages, I had lived through these stages. I actually had lived in the annoyed and anger stage for a very long time and did not know or really care that there were any other stages. Now looking back, I am so thankful we have found life on the other side of anger and frustration in our marriage. Most of all, I am so amazed to see how God had changed ME. And, in changing ME, He has changed our marriage, stage by stage.

~ Wendy